Not Fighting the Season

I hear it is spring in some places...


I see TV ads, billboards and the like with springy slogans, people talking about spring cleaning, spring clothes in shop windows...spring, spring, spring- everywhere talk of the spring season.  The only thing is-it sure still feels like winter (earrrrllly spring at best) here as we continue to have rain in the forecast and highs in the 40's.

I even changed out Alice's winter clothes for spring and summer last week, hoping that would somehow usher in the warm sun and blooming flowers.  Ahhh, no dice.
We have lived here for 3 winters now and this is still a shock to my native Arkansan self.  I'm telling you friend, this southern girl is doing some major spring yearning and trusting God to sustain me until this crazy "cloud cover" (as people not-so affectionately call it up here) clears and warmer air arrives in Northeast Ohio.


I have come to many conclusions, some wrong I'm sure, but one I think I may have right is that my Jesus uses much of the ordinary to get at my heart.  I'm sure we can all at least humm along to the Byrds' hit song, Turn! Turn! Turn! that gets its roots in the book of Ecclesiastes in the bible.

Which, by the way is what I'm screaming...for the love!  Turn! Turn! Turn! Green, pollinated and spring!

But all the screaming is getting no turning. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

OK so God, if I'm going to resolve to be a woman who stands on your word...ummm there is a purpose to this cloud cover?  And not it's not just related to soil composition and lake effects, but could it be Your divine purpose in my heart?Can I tell you the times I have prayed that Jesus would cause me to passionately love the cloudiness?  There are people who live here and tell me He has done that for them, which I KNOW is nothing short of a miracle.  Can I be honest?  He has chosen, in His infinite wisdom, not to do that for me...even though I have earnestly pleaded, and begged, and cried, oh and groveled...like I'm talking on the knees. 

Lord!  Make me crazy for clouds!  Lord in the name of Jesus give me a LOVE for all things snowy and white!

Still, the moment has not come when I open my curtains in the morning, see the grey-ness outside and love the sight.  And so I wait, pray and press in...

But, you know what He has caused to grow in my heart?  Perseverance, trust, dependence...just to name a few things I would never take back for the sunshine in April.  I have had to press into Him daily and sometimes moment by moment...

 Listen to James 1:3-4, “Because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”. 

Could it be, dear friend, that the cloud cover in our lives is about God's divine purpose in our hearts?  We want to break free!  We want sunny days...sweepin' tha clouds away (cue Sesame Street theme song...hit it Alice)! 

Sometimes God allows the clouds to linger, for a season, so that He can finish a work in us, so that we will be mature and complete...not lacking in anything.  Sick or healthy, affluent or in lack...sun or Ohio cloud cover.

Marriage, Part 3!

I had every intention of not writing another post on marriage, then while getting ready this afternoon (yes, I "get ready" mid-day, so if you see me before 3ish do not alarmed if I'm sporting some rockin unbrushed hair atop my head, little to no makeup and my mommy "high heels" ah-hum, sketchers shape ups...yes I have had them for a year, they look fairly ridiculous, and no, I still don't know if they work.) God really spoke to me.

I am reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, Made to Crave...excellent.  The tag line on the front says "Satisfying your deepest desire with God, not food".  Truly, there is more truth in this funny, insightful book than I could summarize for you- so read it if you are able. 

Anyhow, she is bringing up the "it's not fair!" thing that we all struggle with at one time or another.  She expresses a good one you may be familiar with...Why can my size 2 friend eat a cake in it's entirety and I can't, God?!  Then cites a brilliant answer from a friend of hers, E. Titus, who says, (And don't miss this dear friend!!)

"I remind myself that God didn't make me to be her.  You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of Him, to fill my needs.  And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would be continually drawn back into His arms."

Wow.

Ok, then.  This is a marriage post.  So there I was getting ready for the day at 3ish, disgruntled about something going on between me and my husband.  It is this point of tension in our marriage- and it has been there since the "beginning".  You know what I mean sister...you have that area with yours too. The area that no matter how many times you address it, pray through it, bring encouragement in all the worst and wrong...and even Godly and "right" ways...maybe not much has changed between the two of you in said area.

Oh my, have I asked God to change me, to remove the longing that sometimes aches for Wes to be and do the things that I am wishing for...after all- God you created me this way...right? 

Lemme just say, I am convinced I married the best man I have ever met.  I could go on and on, but I will spare you the gush of how awesome I think my man is.  But, let's face it, we are all human, I fail him.  He fails me too.  (Sounds so easy in those terms, doesn't it?!)

So back to the quote in Lysa's book.  Whoa, did God ever use that today to speak to me about my husband. Allow me to take the quote above and insert my hubby-issue (we will call it "issue X" to protect and honor my main man) in exchange for food:

"I remind myself that God made me to go with Wes.  You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow "issue X" to be an idol in my life, that I would go to Wes, instead of Him, to fill my needs.  And in His great wisdom, He gave me my husband so that I would experience a few withdrawals of "issue X", so that I would be continually drawn back into His arms."

Are you like me?  What is the X-factor in your marriage (money? romance? leadership?) that God in His divine providence, allowed to be placed (or lacking) in your mate, to draw you closer to HIM?    I can almost assure you that there is something you long for in your mate- that is unperfected, as there is in all of us. 

Has it ever occurred to you that God has a purpose in the lack?  And, that His purpose in it may have more to do with propelling me and you in to a deeper relationship with Christ, rather than changing our spouses?  Let me be sure to communicate: The goal is not to lose the longing in our hearts, but to cast down the idol.

You see, this is not about Wes.  This is about Catherine and Jesus.  I know this may seem a familiar tune-but be encouraged as we hear it anew today...this is not so much a "change me, not him Lord!" message (which is good, noble and true and needs expressed) but an invitation to take a look at the idols in our hearts that we beg our mates to feed when our God is the only true Bread.

Could it be, friends, that God is continually concerned with our ever-fickle hearts and positioning things in our world to cause us to line up with Psalm 73:25, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you."... instead of trying to "fix" all we see as "broken" around us...

Let me know your thoughts and what God may show you!!

The Funky Times of Marriage Part 2

Please excuse the lengthy intermission...life, pregnancy, winter sickness and travel have made for quite the time crunch lately.  Did I mention we found out we are having a BOY?!  All praise to God for a healthy baby boy on the way!!

Anyhow, speaking of winter sickness and the funky times of life...

Wes and I recently traveled to Colorado for a conference where we got sick, sick, sick.  On the plane ride out there, we stayed on the same aircraft for 2 of the flights...where we got to observe something quite telling go down.

In the row in front of us, there was a guy sitting next to the window and one in the aisle seat, with no one in between them for the first leg of the flight.  Not much going on for the two fellas, a little "ginger ale please", "I'll pass on the peanuts" and "please return your seats to their full and upright position" was the extent of their interaction to the world outside row 5.

Until...

She arrived.  When the plane stopped for a short layover in Tulsa, a cute blond got on and sat right in between our quiet guys in row 5.  Wes started feeling sick almost immediately (we later found out it was distinctly a rough G.I. bug, but still very timely). 

These guys went from silent types to winner and runner-up in the biggest and best "One-Upper" contest I have yet to witness.  You know what I'm talking about people...window guy mentions he is going skiing at a friend's place right on the slopes; aisle guy mentions he owns a place on the very same slope.  Window guy has his own business; aisle guy buys and sells businesses.  It went on and on and on, I kid you not, for the entire 1 hour and 40 minute flight.  Honestly.

The whole scene brought lots of eye rolling to Wes and I, as his stomach got sicker and sicker.  But seriously, on a another level the "look at me show" brought a real insight into the heart of a man.  It was clear: they longed to be heroic to someone, to be the best to someone, to capture someone's awe...and they would fight for it if they had to.

Isn't that so true about our husbands ladies?  In a life full of the daily grind ho-hum, there is something in deep in the heart of our men that longs for us to notice. To notice the work they put in at work, yes the boss sees, but when is the last time we thanked our hubbys for providing for us, drawing out their concerns, or celebrating and aweing at their accomplishments...no matter how large or how small?

I love Proverbs 20:5, "The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out." 

May I paraphrase the verse this way:  "The purposes in our husbands' hearts are deep waters, a wife of keen study, care, understanding and with God's help, draws out his depth."

Wes mentioned to me recently a friend who said "I just don't think I am very deep," ...devastating, we both thought.  Of course our guys have depth, God created them so.  And God has given us a unique place to draw them out within marriage, and a unique desire on the part of our husbands to be drawn out by us.

One my biggest struggles I have HAD to overcome is learning to listen.  I can talk, advise, fix somebody all day (hey, I am a blogger...right?) but learning to listen is an art I am still trying to master. Check out Proverbs 18:2 "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions."

So to paraphrase the opposite, "A lady of wisdom finds great pleasure in understanding a situation, and would share opinions with caution and discernment."

Lord help me.

Can I be honest?  Most days when Wes comes home I want to hand over charge of Alice and dinner and do a flying leap into the bathtub, all while verbally dumping on him all that went wrong in my day. 

Then I hear Prov. 18:2 in my spirit, I get a gentle reminder that Wes has had a lot go on for him that day too... and God has given him me (yes, he is stuck) to be the person to draw him out and notice.  I certainly don't want him floundering on a plane, or in his heart becoming shut down....because I haven't taken the time to notice him.

This is part of laying down our lives, ladies.  Sure, we have a TON going too, but that's another post, and this one is getting us in better shape for our guys.

Interestingly enough, our two guys on the plane were both married.  They both talked about their wives and families.  It wasn't that they were looking for love, for cheating necessarily....but they were looking, aching, begging for someone to notice.

The Funky Times of Marriage Part 1

It is on my heart to do a "mini" series on being a married lady... the funny, fun things, the challenging things and the heart-change things...enjoy!!  Also pray for me as I write over the coming weeks...God bless you in your marriage, guy or gal!

I come to you today with much 'fear and trembling' to share with you a topic a-burning in my heart.  A "burden" to share some truths about being a wife is welling up in me and comes on the heels of a men's panel we had at our mom's group last week.
Wes and I seem get in "funk" sometimes...(you know one of those 2 or 3 day stretches where you just argue seemingly non stop?  Anyone?) I just don't have a better word for it.  You both feel funky apart or together, the mood is, well, funky, yuck.

We are real people and we just have times like that.  It's like God allows something to come up in one or both of us and there is a "painful rub" (if you will) between us until we finally get with God, get together and open the lines of humble and loving communication.

A mentor of mine has called this "rub" between us the "sandpaper" of God, ah hum, marriage.  (Happy on the quotations today "apparently")  The stuff that we have to face about ourselves...sin, expectations, disobedience, hardness of heart, past experiences, (need I go on?) when we are forced to live with another human in covenant relationship. 

Oh it's hard, but so awesome- as it is that very course, gritty sandpaper makes us more like Jesus if we allow the Holy Spirit to move us into God's love for each other and Christ's perseverance. (2 Thess. 3:5)

Over this series, I would like to share with you some things God had lovingly showed me in the funkiest of times. 

Anyhow, it was one of those sandpaper times for Wes and I.  Yes people, we have those, this is how I know so much about said "sandpaper".  It seemed like we could not even open our mouths without simple conversation turning into an argument.   For fictional example: "Pass me the ketchup," says Wes and "What do you mean by that?!" says Cat.  You have been there, right?!

Ugh, feels so defeating, doesn't it? 

I must admit I usually begin to just pray (and pray even though I know better) that God would change my husband...he's the one who needs it God...and if God you could just show him how asking for the ketchup was so hurtful, then he would repent of his ketchup asking ways and I would forgive him.

Ok, so arguments in real-life are sometimes (not always I humbly confess to you) more major than the ketchup meltdown, but don't we so often apply the "God fix him, he's wrong" attitude of prayer and conflict resolution?!

Of course, dear friends, it may be true that hubby is in the wrong, not hearing you, being selfish...etc.  But to first start by pointing out his mess is simply not biblical.  Let me say again, much fear and trembling. I don't communicate this lightly, fellow wife,  knowing the many, many pains most of us have been through or will walk through in marriage.

Jesus tells us (I like to think He is personally pleading with me and my thick head) to 1st remove the plank in our own eyes before pointing out the speck of dust in another's.  The psalmist models for us earnest heart change prayer when he cries out "show me any offensive way in me!" 

Not him, me.

I am beyond thankful I have a patient God and that He has given me a patient husband, as I seem to have to learn certain lessons over and over again.  Let me also say, I am also thankful for the countless girl friends who model this for me daily, Shout out!  You know who you are sisters.

If we believe the Bible is God's very word to us, we must follow dear friends!  Do not grow weary, do not grow faint as we choose to resolve conflict in a mature, loving and biblical way.  Oh there is a cost.  It will hurt, we may not get it right every time, our flesh certainly won't like it, but on the other side there are mountains of blessing for the faithful! 

When we humble ourselves (only by the power of the Holy Spirit, certainly not in this girl's strength!) to hear our husbands first, this is truly, daily, in the trenches of life-application, what Jesus refers to as the greatest love of all "laying down your life for one another." 

Forgiveness before repentance, listening before speaking, acting in love while feeling injustice...all lower the walls of the precious man by my side, if not at first, eventually, and if not at all, then we choose to trust God that His word is true.  If walls remain, we rejoice knowing we are not carrying around unforgiveness and the burden of demanding our own ways and rights, but that God has enabled us to lift up our hubbies before ourselves.

Come back for more of what is learned in the funks...Bless you!

Recognizing our Gifts

I really like to shop. Ok, maybe "love" is the more appropriate word here.  Funny thing is I am not a huge "buyer", I just love the shopping part.  I am actually a pretty frugal gal with Aldi, Forever 21 and TJ Maxx being some of the hot spots that top my most frequented list (clearance racks preferred..except Aldi, of course).

I love getting ideas browsing through Pottery Barn and specialty catalogs...maybe it's that I like making things more beautiful.  How about you?  Are you a shopper?  Of course, we are all "consumers" but some of us gain real joy in the hunt and card swipe.

Since I can think of no appropriate segway here's the point:  It occurred to me that my love for shopping is really a gift.  No really.  I know, most of us think of such a love as a curse.  (If we don't think it, our husbands sure may!)  Now, I'm not talking about overspending or living beyond our means...I am talking about the deeper layer, the things that bring us joy, the way we are wired.

What brings you joy?  Music, theatre, sports, teaching, exercise, the beach...shopping?  Did you know that is a gift?  Every good and perfect gift comes from above, dear friend!  (James 1:17) You and I are made on purpose, with purpose...with unique likes and dislikes, things that bring us joy and things that drain us. 

Of course, the context of shopping gets a bad reputation because of our sinful, lust-for-more side, has sent many of us over the edge into debt and using new purchases as a replacement for a deep connection with the living God. 

Satan, the enemy of our souls, loves to twist our joys...doesn't he?  Oh he SO knows their importance and power!

Let's take inventory.  A sure way to know our gifts is to take a look at what brings us JOY, what energizes you?  I know for me, some of my personal joy boosters are exercise, dance, teaching, being with people, laughing, writing and (as formentioned)...of course shopping. 

So how in the world are those gifts?!  I would not even know where to begin to share the meaningful talks about Jesus I have had with friends, precious time spent with Wes, songs sang with Alice, prayers prayed for friends and family...all while taking walks in the park for exercise. 

I have had opportunities to help friends and family shop who needed major shopping help and were either pressed for time or didn't know where to go or how to start... and have been thanking God for my help when we are done!   All because I love to shop.

We get so religious don't we? 

While the outpouring of our gifts is certainly no substitute for intimacy with Christ, there is revival for our spirits that comes from doing things that we love, things we were created for, and using those joys to bless others.  Using our gifts is a real and practical way the "joy of the Lord can be our strength" friends!  (Nehemiah 8:10)

Oh take a look at your joys, recognize your giftings, ask the Holy Spirit where to use them and change the world around you!  It gets me excited at just the thought...and I pray it does you too.  Let's continue to spur one another onto more good deeds...(Heb. 10:24)

I would love to hear what God shows you!

Rest for Us

My 2 year-old has been "down" for her nap for an hour now.  And even though we do this everyday, same time, same place, same book/song/prayer routine...today she is jumping and shouting in her bed rather than sleeping.

If you have kids, do they do this too?!  I'm sure a time or two.   I just want to do some "adult" reasoning with her and say (as she gives me interrupted eye contact and says Yes Ma'am unprompted) "Alice, most of us would do anything for an intentional daily nap time, even rest time!"  

I must laugh at myself at the thought of her doing something much more probable... like hanging upside down with hair in her face singing Dwingle Bells (aka Jingle Bells...yes, I know it's mid-January) while I "reason" with her.

What is it that makes me nuts about said situation? 

You see, by missing this rest time, my sweet girl has a much more difficult time listening to Mommy and Daddy as the evening progresses.  She will, most likely, have more hard disciplinary moments. Her concentration goes quickly in the negative direction and literally, her head spins.  Seriously, she twists her head from side to side looking like a human chopper.  Amazing.

Aren't we similar? I can relate with her, for sure.

The rebellion to resting reaps for us much the same as adults.

Although mine looks more "refined" and I certainly can pridefully hide it better, rebelling to rest is something I am mighty good at. 

If I'm really honest, "rest" for me is some sort of four letter word.  Ugh, I am such a production lover. Deep down I need some un-winding, re-teaching on rest, Lord!  

There is rest for the weary and burdened, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Notice, first, we must come.

That's what keeps me from resting the most often.  Answering the request to come.  Sure, I go to Him most mornings, and with the big things, emergent things, church prayer requests...etc.  But what about all those day to day, nitty gritty times when I feel just as Jesus describes... "weary and burdened". 

When Wes has been on call for days, Alice is not napping and I am weary? Come.  When finances are tight, relationships are stretched and I feel burdened?  Come.  What about at 3:30 in the afternoon when I don't know what to make for supper? Come. 

When I choose to come to my Lord, I find rest.  I can hear Him better, follow Him with ease. Kinda like my 2-year-old after a nice long afternoon nap. (which, btw, I don't think is happening today!)

Lord change us all at the heart- We don't want to be in the same place as a child, just walking it out in acceptable adult terms! Lord help us to press on to maturity on the area of rest so we can hear you more clearly and follow you more nearly!

God Bless you as you rest in Him!

Re-thinking Resolutions

And a Happy New Year to you! 

I have about decided I'm just not one to make New Year's resolutions.  Not that there's anything inherently wrong with them or anything, I just don't seem to stick with them.  Not even until the end of January, when I am left feeling slightly defeated and wondering..."what was I thinking in the first place?"

Are you like me?

Anyhow, while at the gym this week, I've heard all sorts of buzz on various morning shows about doing "self analysis" to kick off the new year, and after such analysis, seeing where your resolution would best fit.  By doing such analysis, one would know...aha! Weight loss, that's my goal! or Better money management in 2011! or More time with my family-that's my area of need!

Really, while I get where the various hosts and guest authors are going, I must ask...does such "self-analysis" produce fruit from a vine unchanged?

It's so easy to spot the problems (in ourselves, our spouses, children and co-workers so on and so on!).  We can easily point to..."Aha!  I have anger issues, and in 2011 I am going to get my anger under control!" feel good about that decision for about 25-30 days (hey, some of us can even make it to February on decision alone!) and then fall flat and... well, angry again before the snow clears in March.

What's the problem?  Where's the change? 

Now seriously, this is such a struggle, to release the areas we so desperately want to change into the loving and capable hands of Christ.  We want change NOW. 

We want to grab the reins, drive out those 10 pounds with low carb living, never addressing allowing our loving God to cultivate in us the long term fruit of self-control.  (Been there too many times to count people, it's better God's way, trust Him!)

Maybe we try the latest anger control technique we read up on, count to 10, breathe deeply while standing outside on our heads (or something like that)... and all the while the storm continues to rage within because we never allow the Holy Spirit to touch the unforgiveness and unmet expectations in our hearts.

Oh Lord give us patience to allow you to work in us in 2011!  Let your will be done!  Most often, turning over an area to God where we long for change is a painful, pruning, slow breaking process.  (ready to sign up?!)

The Good News, dear friends, when God does the work in us, from the inside out; when He first cleans the inside of the cup, the outside will be clean.  There will be the beautiful fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. 

So, instead of said "self-analysis" maybe we should cry out like David, asking the Holy Spirit to show us any offenses in us and undergo something that starts with a cry of "Holy Spirit, analyze me!"